A manifesto

So, I have to rant somewhere. I loved a friend. She was strong and lived her life largely, creatively, artistically. She canned. She welded her muffler. She built her own walls. She loved to read in front of her fire. Her house was universally seen as a welcoming place, a place where calmness, order, and homeyness was cool.

Then, her husband left, and her world changed. She lost 120 pounds in 6 months. She took up smoking. She also began moving men into her home (in 6 months, she is on number 2). Both men have been commanding and rude. When I visit her home, the spirit of the place has changed and I feel that the substance is gone. She no longer does the creative stuff. She hangs in bars and drinks. She says that this is really who she is, before she was unhappy, but she looks unhappy now. Her first preoccupation is her looks.

I feel as if I have lost her. Her home is no longer welcoming, but sad and empty. She does not have the sense of peace that I saw in her before.

Please, send good thoughts her way, and mine. I don't know how to be a friend to her now.

Christmas Season

Hello,

The Christmas season is one of my favorite, for many reasons. This year has been both sweet and bitter. Here are some reasons:

1. My daughter is maturing into this incredably mature (though slightly scatterbrained at times) beautiful woman. We love her boyfriend and she is ambitious.

2. The long vacation from work is wonderful for me- we did not plan anthing, and I am enjoying reading, organizing my clothes and listening to soft music with a sleepy puppy on my lap.

3. My husband is ill with a bug- I am monitoring his tempature.

4. A dear friend has gone through some changes in her life, and it has changed her. She no longer is the person that I loved to share all with, or drew inspiration from.

5. My work atmosphere has gotten hectic, but our new supervisor is beginning to appreciate the work that my dear friend and I do. It is great to work with someone you respect and rely on.

6. My dear sister, who is going through a terminal illness, was able to share some time with me, and cried when I gave her my gift of homemade Christmas cookies. She reminded me that they were the ones our dear mother made, and that I have been making them for 40 years.

7. Next year, I am retiring from Cookie Baking - ha!

8. I feel incredibly grateful for a job, but most of all for a great family, who are truly supportive, and a loving husband.

9. Happy holidays to all!

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

We had a wonderful holiday, gathering with family and friends - now I am listening to my most favorite carol and going through mail. The dogs are asleep at my side.

Interesting week

I can't talk about work. Wish I could. It is part of the reason why I am so tired.
Healthwise, I am slowly getting better. I have started swimming about 1/2 hour three to four times a week.
I am reading the Psalms and praying them. I need to.

Another year

I count my years with fall starting them off, for a lot of reasons, and this coming week has me looking over my past year and not really liking it. I got fatter and grew older, and I don't mean just time-wise, but soul-wise. I have no one to blame but myself. I reacted to stress at work and a health issue with the wrong tools- rest and food, instead of destressing and exercise.
Lesson learned. I vow this year to make steps to become healthier and more active. So help me God.

I love the Joe Henry song with the line in it "You're only as good as your knees." Though it describes an aging jock, it also fits this chubby menopausal woman.
My knees have given me a lot of problem over the years. In spartan days, I had to just suck it up and deal with it. I went to doctors only when I had to, and the pain in my knees just didn't seem worth my time. With an autistic son, a daughter, a job, grad school, and a worthless then-husband, it was just another thing I had to live with, like being slow-pay on bills ( a big embarrashment for me), getting to work/school on gas fumes, being paged to pick up my son when he was having a bad day, trying to spend some time with my daughter, working through the night( because it was convient, and , oh, yeah, trying to graduate from one of the toughest psychology graduate programs in the state. I actually avoided doctors, and this spoiled little rich girl learned that most things can be cured or prevented with tea and little five minute breaks. Or maybe I was just lucky.
Well, flashforward to a different life, with me with my big degree and professional job (ha, ha), and my daughter is 17 and a have a new husband is bonafide, and my son has sort of calmed down and lives with his dad but still visits and I get the H1N1- though I had the shot. The flu went away, but oh, my left knee- I could not walk and had to go to the hospital where the doctors wondered how I had walked around on them so long. Yep, they both are bad, but the doctor I ended up with, a specialist, only treats symptoms, so suggessted only one knee needed to be replaced.
ThatI had to agree, especially after looking at the x-rays. Now, I'm don't know much about x-rays, but I could look and see all sorts of gaps where there shoudl be no gaps in my knees and suddenly it made sense ot me why I feel the way I do descending stairs.
Then, miraculously, my knee felt better- it still hurt more than ever, but I could walk on it. And I went back to work, where there was too much work and I couldn't see taking off the six weeks needed for an operation until June.
Which is where we are now - June 15th is the day when it is scheudled. I hope that afterwords, I can walk the dogs, walk, lose weight and be much moe focused than I am now. Oh, and I'll also know when to keep my mouth shut.
Hail, modern science!